Cool Sayings

Jokes

• Man who eats prunes, gets good run for money.
• Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.
• Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
• Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.
• I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.
• Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
• Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
• Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
• I like work.  It fascinates me.  I  sit and look at it for hours.
• Cocaine is gods way of telling you that you make too much money.
• Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
• If quiters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead"?
• Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
• Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.
• When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
• Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
• Words have no wings but they can fly a thousand miles.
• A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain.
• Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand.
• The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
• Many complain of their looks, but none of their brains.
• Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
• A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
• Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have film.
• They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
• A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
• A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
• The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
• Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
• A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
• No guts, no glory, no brain, same story.
• If at first you don't succeed - give up! No use being a damn idiot.
• It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
• One good turn gets most of the blankets.
• Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.